Going, Going and Soon Gone...

It is the 31st December today, no less. And tomorrow will be not just another day but a new year itself. How on earth am I expected to take those renewal vows? Or should I at all go down that route? After all, all this is self-imposed. But let me dwell on yesterday. It was marked by a good visit to a friend who has finished his fourth chemotherapy and is doing well. He has just started walking in the Joggers' Park before the hordes arrive. To think of it, a while ago, this seemed improbable in that moment. I am glad the family has maintained strict rules of health and hygiene. Visitors with colds and infectious bugs are not allowed and the ritual of disinfecting your hands before coming in has just been dispensed with.
The fresh coconut water and almonds made for a healthy repast!
Then onto "Christmas lunch" although not so strictly speaking but I am happy to call it so because it is part of the holiday season festivity. The lunch went well, wonderfully relaxed -Christmas pudding along with some delicious coffee from a gourmet hamper made my day. I did 2 cups in one afternoon justifying that the new year will see me totally in control of my senses.Thus love is blind for a real good reason this season-forgive the pun, just had to do it, senselessly; back home through a horrible bottleneck and on to see "Sherlock Holmes" in the cinema theater. Stylish, bizarre and highly atmospheric. Today I go to see "Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy". Le Carre's writing is impressive and I am excited about going to the movies once more. No caramelized popcorn, no samosa, no Costa Coffee for me there. Already taking hold of my senses-but only as I write. There is yoga this evening. Evening meal will be a bed of salad laid on crisp multi grain toast and vegetable-fruit juice. Not saying I will not end my meal with a glass of Bailey's as Amrita will phone from America, her time.
Incidentally, the hot pink bougainvillea is in bloom and as for the sparrows, my morning alarm, they have adjusted to the chill in the air by chirping half an hour later than their usual 7 am wake up call. I particularly relish the thought of not being woken up by digital sounds. They annoy me. But I am grateful to digital technology because I know I can't carry sparrows in my pocket when I travel. So, this is my news for today, before soon, it will be gone and tomorrow's news will take over and move us into another day, another year, 2012.

Happy Holiday Season

What a lovely Christmas lunch at PVs home in Chembur. The area has turned terribly upmarket with several spas and Costa Coffee-all down the road. A good coffee shop does it for me. PVs Irish friend and 3 Nigerian women, splendidly attired, all Trade Unionists from the town of Jos and the Vieira family made delightful company. The chicken was delicious and the Christmas pudding set aflame kept the blue flame going for a while-as you can see it had soaked the alcohol thoroughly. That is the spirit of Christmas.
When I returned home, I was shocked to hear that a church in Jos had been attacked by a group of Muslim fundamentalists. Till I met the Nigerian women, I had never heard of Jos, outside Abuja. But now it came alive as a place where people lived, earned their livelihood, went to church and participated in a productive , peaceful community life. And, suddenly that fabric was stripped by the attack on the church goers. One policeman lost his life on Christmas Day. I am so sorry for his family. I hope 2012 will be a year of peace. I hope it will be a year of reconciliation, reconciliation of differences for the sake of understanding the value that lies in holding diverse view points, then there really will be hope. And like the Christmas cake with its blue flame , I believe we can keep on hoping even for a little while or longer if you wish, that the year ahead will be more alive, vibrant and meaningfully different than the year gone by. So, here's to you and to me, a great 2012. And join me at Costa Coffee somewhere!

An Infrequent Writer, a Hardly Writer

I stopped writing as if what started me writing has come to an end. What a short sighted view of the world and what a limited take on the world at large. I see myself as one for closures, things if begun must be brought to an end. I need to revise this thinking of just "for my own good". I need the moral imperative to kick start my day. Wake up, there are people out there living some unimaginable lives, there is this business of sharing experiences, words, letters in order to remain connected. At the same time, I liked PVs withdrawal from Facebook for a while for sure to detox. The information at times, more often than not, distracts, diverts and takes us to silly little diversions which we feel were a waste of time-but always on hindsight. I, too, now don't care for these diversions as they do not add value to me. I want to be more of a person not less. The excess indulgence in information renders us less day by day.

Worries

Perhaps that revival post came at just the right moment.

It is that time of year again, where it draws closer to when I have to do my annual check up test. And as usual, I'm trying to pack too much in, trying to live as much as possible, because despite my best efforts to be positive, I'm wondering when someone will tell me that I can't.

Today I am exhausted. There are essay deadlines, internship work, professional work, travel plans, financial concerns, a confusing personal life and a never-ending social life. Sometimes I look at myself in the mirror and find it hard to believe that the person looking back at me is the same person with such a different face two years ago. Asha is right. I have hair now, and my concerns are about how I should wear it or whether I should cut it. How easily I have failed in my resolve to simply be grateful for the fact that it grew back!

So now I take another deep breath; and hope that morning will bring a day that is calmer, filled with less worry and more peace.

Out of the woodwork

I haven't forgotten this blog, why we started it, how it got going...and how I stopped writing. This is 2010 and we have no entry for this year, so I thought I should write. Yes, yes, all those "shoulds", they do come in handy at such times. I am splendid at cocooning myself, so people like me need those "shoulds".

PV now has hair: she has to think about it now. Shall I go short or long or go for the fringe? So that's the other story. PV is now studying international relations in God's Own Country, U.K., a melting pot of cultures that refuse to cook together, so you couldn't be in a better place to see, think and get to know other worlds.

I will meet u p with PV this December in Goa where there is a special family event. I am already looking forward to this.

As I write, I do want to say that one suffering ends and some where else another kind of suffering begins. Our mother passed away last month. PV's mom is in a wheel chair as her tendons and ligaments heal. Being part of all this is what life is all about. Call them little things if you feel like it.

Story Telling

After disappearing from the blog for ever, I decided to reappear. I guess I don't quite like to close the chapter as I do believe in stories that go on. I came across this entry in a blog that I'd like to share with you.

FROM DJ:
Ralph, one of my favorite quotes is by the poet Muriel Rukeyser: “The universe is made up of stories, not of atoms.” We have to tell the stories in which we become characters, willing or unwilling as we may be. And if you feel you can’t talk to someone, talk to yourself in a journal. I only find out what I’m truly thinking once I open my notebook and start scribbling. Sometimes, it’s not the cancers that kill, but the silences.

All the Best, Dana

— Ralph

Who Knew?

When you're going through a life altering experience, it is quite easy to become completely engulfed in your own suffering and misery, knowing for a fact that things could not be worse for anyone else. You become enveloped in a little bubble which tends to block other people out completely.

And I was pretty much the same during most of 2008. But in November of last year, a close friend's mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. For the first time, I saw what it was like for the primary care-giver to deal with the 'cancer experience'. And it shocked me.

I had never really given much thought to what my mother (who was my primary care-giver) went through during my cancer experience. We talked about it only recently, and I found out that she had to face the fact that I may die, a truly scary thought for any parent. Couple that with the constant worry that I may catch a cold or a cough which could be life threatening given my low immunity levels, concern about my diet and that I was taking all the right medications, managing visitors, doctor's appointments, hospital bills, insurance details.... and of course, dealing with the inescapable grief - how could this happen to US???

When you hear of someone sick with a life threatening illness, you are overcome with pity and sympathy for the person who is suffering. But you don't always need to be sick to be the one that is suffering and in pain, or the one who is more in need of empathy and support.

Happy New Year

A very happy 2009 to each of you. It has been a year of so many ups and downs. The human spirit seems to triumph somehow. So I wish you the very best of your spirit but make sure you have a designated driver to take you home safely as you party. I write from America and send all my love.I am going to see "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" in a little while. And then I shall keep warm at home and bring in the New Year assisted by television!

Nirvana-just may be!

So here I am in the North West of America, far away from any Nirvana, as people shop for Christmas presents-in the final journey, the presents mostly end up in the junk yard. No Nirvana out here.

I am breaking away from all routine to write in. I have attended the Vippasana twice-the third one in Cutch was cut short as my friend's husband had a stroke in Austria. I felt more ready for my 3rd Vippasana and intend returning to it.

That PV chose to go into a 10 day long self relflecting mode in a very puritanical setting moved me into reappearing on the blog.

Some how in our race against time, we seem to have forgotten that a whole universe exists within us.

A merry Christmas to all of you. May I assume that post Vippasana PV will be partying ?

I end with every good wish and cheer.

Nirvana...not.

Every single one of the 250 women attending the Vipassana course along with me had a variety different reasons for being there. Some were repeating the experience for the 13th time, some for the 2nd or 3rd, and these were the women that had obviously benefited from it in the past . Or just suckers for punishment.
But a lot of the women were newbies like me. They were looking for 'the ultimate truth', healing of past hurt and misery, grieving a loss or just looking for some good old peace and quiet.

I am still not entirely sure why I went. But whatever I went looking for - I did not find it. Except for the peace and quiet of course, which I enjoyed immensely! In fact, I think more people should take to shutting up for long periods of time. The world would be a far happier place.
Instead, what I felt was like a ton of weight was lifted off me (in actuality, I only lost a few pounds). I was grinning and happy for no apparent reason. And truth be told, I have still not understood exactly how the technique works. But I know that it does, and for now, that's enough.

I'm not sure if the regular practice of meditation will happen, and I'm certain that the elation and initial euphoria will die down eventually, but for now - this is the most peaceful I have felt in a long, LONG time. I never dreamed I would find that in Igatpuri.

My suggestion - everyone give it one shot, if it's not for you, so be it. But it just might be the best thing you every did for ten days of your life.

Peace and Quiet

In this time of noise and constant news, terror and instablity - I am going to a Vipassana Centre for a ten day course.

I cannot talk or communicate with anyone else in any way - I'm really looking forward to it. No intoxicants, segregation of the sexes - the whole nine yards. Should be interesting to say the least...

So see you in 10 days!

Our friend Gerry

Gerry is going to write in our blog. He had difficulty finding our blog. We hope to hear from Gerry sooon.

Tragedy in Bombay

This is horrifying news. I hope all of you in Bombay are okay along with your families and friends and people you know.
I am watching the news on CNN here in America.

On Crying

I think we must cry when it's time to do so. Why hold back the tears when freedom has been gained?

Freedom Gained

PV has gained her freedom, so I write this with much joy from the west coast of America. Here, too, arriving in a new America, with the victory of the first African American for President, history has been made, freedom gained.
It would be nice if PV could post a few new pics for us.

Freedom

The urge to cry comes up all the time.

I burst into tears about two minutes after I found out I had cancer.

And I burst into tears again, after find out that at long, long last - and five PET Scans later - I am finally cancer free!

In celebration, there is now a bottle of wine that is fairly empty!

Thank you to everyone who has called, written, messaged and prayed. It worked!

From Florida with Love

 

This is Anjali with the lovely Aanya, no not with Sasha or Malia Obama! She says she thought of her mom when she saw my photograph next to the sports car.
Anjali sends her prayers and much love and hugs for PV.
Anjali knows what it's like to have friends when going through cancer like her mom did.
Meanwhile, please welcome to our blog and do share our blog with others.

Girls will be Girls

 

When I wanted to photograph these girls at the Hebridean Jewellery Shop because I liked the shop so much-they said what all girls say world wide: We'll stand behind the counter so we look slim! And then promptly went on to prettify themselves by patting things in place!
Some of the designs seemed quite Indian.The Celtic knot remains so impressive.
PVs Celtic tattoo is a must-she spent some time in Ireland working hard and getting to know, I do hope, Mr. Jameson.

Hoping for a Rainbow

 

I took this photo from the car as it was too wet and windy to get out and shoot!
I hope Barack Obama becomes America's First African American President on 4 November.
I hope PVs medical check up around that time feels good.

A quiet landscape

 

While this part of my visit was filled with clean air, clean water and clean silence, I get the feeling that PV maybe rocking away some where on her time out. I wish her a blast!
Take some wild pictures please for our blog!