Cancer No No's

Things people should never say to someone undergoing treatment for cancer:
- Don't worry, it will all be over soon
- Did you suffer a lot? (Someone actually asked me this... )
-Be strong
- Be positive
- Don't cry

Brooding

When we were discussing the setting up of this blog, Asha had commented on how amazed she was at the way I was handling everything after my diagnosis. And I told her that as much as I had managed to be grateful that things weren't as bad as they could have been, there were still some truly SHIT days. And what got me through them was the assumption that once everything was over (or at least the worst of it), my life would go back to normal and I would be as happy as I was before.
It is a startling revelation to know that no matter when I finish with all my medical chores, or how 'normal' I feel now, things will never be exactly as they were before.

Enery Saving Cutie for Sheiks

Nice girls in Mumbai

Lipstick information

Something to consider next time you go shopping for lipstick ...Recently a lipstick brand called 'Red Earth' decreased their prices from$67 to $9.90. It contained lead. Lead is a chemical which causes cancer. The lipstick brands that contain lead are: CHRISTIAN DIOR, LANCÔME, CLINIQUE, Y.S.L, ESTEE LAUDER, SHISEIDO, RED EARTH (Lip Gloss), CHANEL (Lip Conditioner), MARKET AMERICA-MOTNES LIPSTICK. The higher the lead content, the greater the chance of causing cancer. After doing a test on lipsticks, it was found that the Y.S.L. lipstick contained the most amount of lead. Watch out for those lipsticks which are supposed to stay longer. If your lipstick stays longer, it is because of the higher content of lead. Here is the test you can do yourself: 1. Put some lipstick on your hand. 2. Use a Gold ring to scratch on the lipstick. If the lipstick color changes to black, then you know the lipstick contains lead. This information is being circulated at Walter Reed Army Medical Centre (website accessible)

Waiting...

I am filling in the blog, waiting for PV to return to Bombay. I am looking forward to hearing some of the Dubai happenings. It will be fun taking the next set of photos. I goofed again! "My Work" photos were meant for my personal blog! Computer illiteracy is bad for your health. But it is helping me deal with some of my embarrassing moments! I make mistakes, feel bad, get over them, and hopefully learn from them!

My work

The community my associate and I worked with show the certificate of acknowledgment I received from my University of Oregon.

Going back and forth with a camera was an experience because many people like to get into the frame!
It has its nuisance value, but it is also an exciting part of such work.

We did brief group and individual therapy in this setting.
The conversations were enriching and slum dwellers, in Mumbai, in partiuclar, have great poise and confidence. Some of them, I feel, are Method Actors!

Next location?

I wonder where PV would like us to take the next set of photographs. The last shoot was in a real crowded spot, next to the train station. I must say, people didn't bother us. Usually they like to be photographed even if they never get to see their mug shots!

Oops! All mixed up!

The next entry was meant for my other blog! I am practising blogging right, left and centre, as I am to start my third blog with my professional associate, a psychologist who works in the Washington DC area.

Salvador Dali is pleasantly surprised! I was lucky to have seen some of his sculpture in a gallery last year.

Oops! All mixed up!

Feeling bad

I feel sad and bad when technology fails! My other blog, http://lifeisinthelittlethings.blogspot.com doesn't register your comments! Some thing has gone awry. I have a bit of waiting before it gets sorted.

To cheer me up I am posting a picture of little Aanya, me friend's daughter, who is rocking beteen gorillas! Rock away dear Aanya! Aanya's grandmother and I shared a friendship from school days.

Dear Commentators

When PV returns to Bombay, we will see what has gone wrong with our ability to enable the Comments in our blog. I am disappointed that we can't read your comments! A friend from Italy has written in, two from Bombay, one from Bangalore...thank you for waiting. I appreciate the intent.

Defiant cell users

I guess we have all had trouble with cell users in a movie hall where the former drown the real dialogue in the film. A parallel dialogue then ensues between the irritated movie watcher and the defiant cell user. Each shouts down the other, but nothing works. In fact, the cell user usually carried on with his dialogue as if nothing has happened.Meanwhile, the film plays on...

More trouble!

My friend, Harpreet, who looks like a student but is a lecturer in Delhi, wrote in to say:
"Hey di (short for Didi!), cant open that url 'lifeisinthelittlethings." Else how is life?
Is any one else having trouble getting into our blog, I wonder.

Help! Can't see your comments!

Some people have written in to our blog, but I am struggling to set this right. PV, can your friend click the right button for us, please! I have a friend who wants to write in to our blog after she finishes her health tratment in Kerala and returns to Cambodia. Right now we can't see any comments. The "O COMMENT" does look sad to me. Help me if you can, I'm feeling down!

Energy saving cutie

I'd like more and more oil rich sheiks to ride this dinky car. They will look awesome getting in, getting out and just driving this little thing in ritzy glitzy Dubai. This way their oil revenues will get bigger and bigger.
I photographed this off Bond Street in London last year.

Shopping list for PV

Style in Dubai

A Pritzker prize winning architect, Zaha Hadid is higly successful internationally. In Dubai, her Signature Towers and opera houses are important commissions.

Also headed for Dubai

Fly Buy Dubai

PV is off on a holiday to Dubai. She might end up spending quality time with friends who work there. I think she will have a blast. So enjoy...

There are about 250 million cell users in India. About 8 million users are added every month. The Telecom Regulatory Authority of India predicts that before the end of the year we will have more cell users than America. China, of course, has twice as many cell users as India. Indians are so talkative - the decibel count has certainly increased with too much talk time available on cells.

PV takes a literary stand

We took this photograph in an arcade in the historic precinct, Dadabhai Naoroji Road, South Bombay.

A few years ago, I received a phone call and heard just sobs. It was my one of my daughter's godmothers who had lung cancer. Midst sobs, she shared with me that she could not bare to see the clumps of hair that had fallen on the pillow. I rushed over to her place and spent some time with her. This friend had a wig from Australia, many chiffon scarves. She wore a wig once and we all got scared and ended up laughing as it was so not like her! Then she did scarves very briefly. Finally she felt easy with just her bald head. We all agreed she looked like a "boy monk".

Before chemotherapy, an artist with very long hair, went across to the Oberoi Salon and had her head shaved. I am not sure if the Salon charged her for a full hair cut. It's a question I'd like to ask the Salon. If I were the Manager, I would have offered the haircut gratis.

The hair loss brings home the reality of cancer. You look different. When the eyebrows vanish, you look more different. How we all embrace this difference, I suppose, changes our outlook on life.

A friend has just sent in this verse by Rumi. It comes from his Pakistani friend who has been dealing with recurring cancer. Rumi is not as mean spirited as I am. Incidentally I am not biting my nails.
"This being human is a guest house
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
Some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,who violently sweep your house empty Of its furniture, still treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
Meet them at the door laughing,and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
Because each has been sent as a guide from beyond."

I love this picture! It corresponds quite a bit to this time period in my life - There's a LOT of work in progress. I'm waiting for my hair to grow back, for my skin to stop doing weird things, and hopefully for my jaw-line to make a re-appearance from under my newly chubby cheeks!

Our blog is in progress, it's Day One, I have over written, Inconvenience Caused Is Regretted.

It's been a few hours since our blog was posted and I haven't yet heard from PV whether she is happy or seriously unhappy with my postings! I sent her 2 text messages at work. Here is what she says: Sorry having a busy day. Will check as soon as I can.
So it's best I stop biting my nails and chill. I am now off to my Vedanta class.

This year I photographed the Sisters from the Missionaries of Charity
at the Pune Railway Station. They cover their heads, unlike PV who chose to bare her head. Wearing wigs, scarves is a personal choice. When my husband and I went to visit with the family, we sat in their pretty garden. It was a practical solution for keeping germs at bay. PV's immune system was vulnerable and needed all the protection. PV came out to meet us in the garden. This was the first time we saw her new face. Chemotherapy had taken the hair away but not PV's spirit showcased in her black mini and a glint in the eye, accepting all that was around her. I think it takes courage to show yourself just as you are to the public at large. People are cruel here some times. They giggle, twitter, pass remarks and fail to see that they are making fun of a person with cancer whose healthy cells have been destroyed by chemotherapy. How can such people be educated about cancer? Some times, I think they are nervous and don't know what to do or say to a woman who does not have hair like them. PV's brother and another male friend shaved their heads to keep PV company. I think women would find this difficult to do-so I fail to understand why they are the ones who giggle the most at the sight of a bald woman.

A few months before I was diagnosed, I was going to get a haircut and was joking around about getting my head shaved completely. I remember one person in particular being absolutely aghast at the idea of me voluntarily cutting off my long hair. When I knew I might lose my hair after the first round of chemo, I didn't think it would bother me that much. But when the first clumps of hair started to come off in my hands, I curled up in bed and had a good long cry.
After that, it was so much easier to look at the positives. For instance - I had a really nice round head. No ugly bumps, no weird ridges and no unsightly birthmarks that were earlier hidden. Even strangers have commented on what a perfectly round head I have!!

As much as it hurt to lose my hair, it never occured to me to wear a scarf or a wig (except once as a joke to scare the nurses in the hospital - and it worked like a charm!!!). I think the starkness of it bothered other people more than it ever bothered me. One neighbour even demanded of my mother as to why I wasn't wearing 'at least a scarf to cover myself'. And the simple answer is - because I don't want to. And besides, if I did, I would be depriving myself of all those compliments about my perfect scalp!

Here is PV at the railway station . I was hoping to take some photos of her in the thick of the crowd-but things didn't go well for me. First, I was told photography is prohibited at this heritage site, second, there were too many cops around to catch me. I thought of the intrepid war correspondents ready to die . So I went ahead with my little Canon digital. PV is trying to call me, I am trying to take the photo and keeping an eye on the women cops . Result: a blur. I forgot to turn on the flash! "You looked part of the crowd," I said, for PV's head suddenly failed to stand out. "That's not such a good thing, is it?" replied PV. A PV head and fashionable gear is a rare find on a railway platform. Monks, pilgrims and widows don't look like PV and cohort. The model in this photo shoot was cooperative, the photographer callow. The best photo of this station was taken by the great Brazilian, Sebastiao Salgado. Do check him out.

While PV's last PET scan showed many cancer cells had faded away, there were those in the humerus behaving like "The Man Who Came to Dinner". The over staying types who think they own the place. Right now their dream menu of pork vindaloo, yummy pork chops, all the sea food that a Goan family serves with unrestrained delight has been forbidden. PV's mother, Celine, consulted the renowned nutritionist, Dr.Venky, and an extraordinary health menu is in place in this household . We will ask Celine to post this.

If the cancer cells sulk over Dr. Venky's offerings, too bad. I won't feel sorry for them if they starve to death. They are not in the Darfur famine victim category. I am glad Marie Antoinette is dead and gone or else she would have announced her "Let them eat cake" nuisance valu main course for the residual cancer cells.

PV is not only listening to her mother this time but also taking action by eating Dr. Venky's food.

Her next PET scan is in August-not far away.

PV took the local train, a gymnastic feat, to get to my place. About 2 million people alight at this railway station, the historic Chatrapati Shivaji Terminus. PV told me she found the leaves over her head irritating.

Looking back, PV and I met on Saturday and finalised our decision to go on line with this blog within two days. Today, July 14, 2008 marks the official opening of our blog, life is in the little things.

PV's blood cancer was diagnosed in February this year, I think. It had spread 70%. The next few months were dedicated to intensive chemotherapy. This was a time of hopelessness and hope.

This blog is for PV, her cancer mates-the little boy Hariharan and Karishma who sat for her Board Exam and all those who have been touched by the consequences of cancer in one way or another.

PV and I welcome you warmly to our public space and request you to share your ideas in a way you may not have considered perhaps. PV will come and go as she pleases. On one day she may write, on another day she could have a writer's cramp. She will correct me if I say things badly or get my facts mixed up.
So, welcome...